real parenting mistakes and what we learned about faith

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." — Proverbs 22:6

When Amy and I first became parents, we thought we had to have all the answers. We believed that good parents always knew the right thing to say, made the right decisions, and somehow avoided making mistakes. Looking back now, we smile at how unrealistic that expectation was. Parenting has been one of the greatest blessings of our lives, but it has also been one of the most humbling. We've made mistakes—more than we'd like to admit—and while we can't go back and change them, we can learn from them. That's really the heart behind this episode. We don't want to pretend we were perfect parents. We want to be honest about where we got it wrong and hopefully encourage someone else who's in the middle of the beautiful chaos of raising children.

One of the first parenting moments that still sticks with us happened when our daughter Ashley was just a little girl. Every night before bed we would read from her children's Bible, and one evening we came to the story of Abraham and Isaac. After hearing it, Ashley looked at us and simply said, "God wasn't very nice." We were caught completely off guard. At that point in our lives, we didn't really know Scripture well enough to explain what the story meant or how it pointed to God's character. Instead of leaning into the conversation, we did something we now wish we hadn't—we stopped reading the Bible together altogether. Looking back, I realize we missed an opportunity. Parents don't have to know every answer. It's okay to tell your child, "I don't know, but let's learn together." Some of the greatest faith lessons happen when families wrestle with God's Word side by side instead of pretending to have everything figured out.

Another lesson God taught me was about patience. I remember helping Ashley learn her letters when she was little, and she kept confusing lowercase "b" and "d." Instead of encouraging her for all the things she was getting right, I became frustrated over the one thing she couldn't seem to understand. Today, I look back and wish I had slowed down. Children don't need parents who expect perfection; they need parents who celebrate progress. It's amazing how easy it is to focus on what's wrong instead of noticing everything that's going right.

We experienced something similar with our son, TJ. School was difficult for him from an early age, and he was eventually diagnosed with dyslexia and ADD. We knew he was incredibly smart because we could sit down and have conversations with him about almost anything, but getting what he knew from his mind onto paper was a constant struggle. Instead of spending more time researching how to better support him, we often relied on the school system to provide the answers. Looking back, I wish we had leaned into his strengths instead of becoming so focused on his struggles. Every child learns differently, and as parents, we have the privilege of discovering how God uniquely created each one.

One of the biggest regrets we share has nothing to do with discipline or schoolwork. It has to do with how busy we allowed our lives to become. Between work, paying bills, cooking meals, cleaning the house, and keeping up with endless schedules, we often lived in survival mode. Dinner was usually eaten in front of separate televisions instead of around the kitchen table. We spent far too little time simply talking with our kids. We wish we had asked more questions, listened more carefully, and created more opportunities for meaningful conversations. Children don't just need parents who provide for them financially. They need parents who are emotionally present.

Travel softball became another area where our priorities slowly drifted. We loved watching Ashley play, and there are many wonderful memories from those years. Sports teach teamwork, perseverance, discipline, and character. But travel ball also consumed our calendar, our finances, and our attention. Weekends disappeared into tournaments. Vacations revolved around softball. Church became something we skipped because of games. Looking back, we realized we had unintentionally allowed a good thing to become too important. Even more heartbreaking was learning years later that Ashley often kept playing because she didn't want to disappoint us or her coaches, not because she truly wanted to continue. That realization reminded us how important it is to keep checking our children's hearts instead of simply managing their schedules.

As our children grew older, we also realized how much influence we had surrendered to other people. We often believed we were giving them freedom to make their own choices, but the truth is someone is always shaping our children—friends, teachers, coaches, social media, or culture. Looking back, I wish we had made our faith a more consistent part of our family life. Once we truly began following Jesus, I wish we had simply said, "This is who we are. This is what our family does." Church wouldn't have been optional. Conversations about Jesus wouldn't have been occasional. We would have built our home around our faith instead of trying to fit faith into the empty spaces of life.

There were also moments where fear caused us to react instead of respond. One night Ashley asked to spend the evening with friends after a recent tragedy involving local teenagers. Later that night we discovered she was somewhere we had specifically asked her not to go. Fear completely took over. Instead of having a calm conversation, we reacted emotionally. Looking back, we realize our response damaged trust more than it built wisdom. The greatest lesson from that experience wasn't that our daughter had made a poor decision. It was that parents need to control their own emotions before trying to correct their children. We eventually apologized, and that apology became just as important as the discipline itself. Children need to see that parents ask for forgiveness too.

We also learned difficult lessons about discipline. Too often we corrected behavior without taking time to explain why it mattered. We wanted obedience, but we didn't always provide understanding. Looking back, I wish we had spent more time helping our kids understand the reasons behind our decisions. Rules without relationship often create resentment, but conversations build trust. Even when discipline is necessary, children benefit from knowing the heart behind it.

One of the hardest parenting moments involved discovering that TJ had been looking at pornography online. Amy reacted out of fear and heartbreak. I reacted by trying to ignore the issue because I didn't want to deal with the awkward conversation. Neither response was helpful. What our son needed wasn't shame or silence. He needed guidance. He needed someone to explain God's design for sex, why pornography is destructive, and why his curiosity didn't make him a terrible person. Looking back, we both wish we had slowed down, removed the emotion, and had an honest conversation rooted in both truth and grace.

One of the most freeing realizations we've had as parents came years later when Ashley looked at us and jokingly said, "So...you guys really didn't know what you were doing, did you?" The truth is, we didn't. No parent does. There isn't a manual that prepares you for every situation. Every child is different. Every season brings new challenges. Parenting is one of the hardest and most rewarding callings God gives us, and every parent learns as they go.

If there's one thing we've learned through all of this, it's that it's never too late to apologize. Even now that our children are adults with families of their own, we've had conversations where we've admitted our mistakes and asked for forgiveness. Those conversations haven't weakened our relationship—they've strengthened it. Humility has a way of opening doors that pride keeps closed. Our children don't need perfect parents. They need parents who are willing to grow, admit when they're wrong, and point them toward the only perfect Father they will ever have.

If you're in the middle of raising young children, let me encourage you. Slow down. Put the phone away. Sit around the dinner table. Ask questions that can't be answered with "yes" or "no." Celebrate your children's strengths. Be patient with their weaknesses. Pray with them. Read Scripture together, even when you don't have every answer. Build your family around Christ instead of trying to squeeze Him into your schedule. And when you inevitably make mistakes—and you will—don't be afraid to say, "I'm sorry."

Parenting isn't about getting everything right.

It's about faithfully pointing your children toward the One who always does.

Because at the end of the day, our greatest goal isn't to raise perfect kids.

It's to raise children who know the perfect love of their Heavenly Father.

Listen to: Real Parenting Mistakes And What We Learned About Faith